Understanding Tonkin's Model of Grief

At the heart of Tonkin's Model is that grief remains constant in our lives, but our capacity to live and grow around it expands over time. This model is visualised as a small circle (grief) within a larger circle (life), where the inner circle remains the same size while the outer circle grows.

How Tonkin's Model Helps Clients Adjust to Grief

Validation of Ongoing Grief

One of the most powerful aspects of Tonkin's Model is its validation that grief doesn't simply disappear. Many clients feel pressured to "move on" or "get over" their loss, which can lead to feelings of inadequacy or isolation when they continue to feel the weight of their grief. Tonkin's model reassures clients that it's normal for grief to remain a part of their lives indefinitely, offering a sense of acceptance and understanding.

Hope through Growth

While grief remains constant, Tonkin's Model emphasises that life can—and does—grow around it. This concept provides hope to clients, showing them that they can experience joy, develop new relationships, and find meaning in life despite their ongoing grief. It's a message of resilience and the potential for a fulfilling life even after a significant loss.

A Dynamic Process

Grief can often feel like an all-consuming, static state. Tonkin's model, however, portrays it as part of a dynamic process. By recognising that their lives can expand around their grief, clients can begin to see their journey as one of ongoing adjustment and adaptation rather than a finite period they must endure. This perspective encourages clients to engage with life and seek new experiences and relationships.

Personalisation of the Grieving Process

Everyone's grief journey is unique. Tonkin's model accommodates this individuality by avoiding a one-size-fits-all approach. Clients can find comfort in knowing that their personal experience of grief, with its unique ebbs and flows, fits within this model. This personalisation helps clients feel seen and understood, fostering a more compassionate self-view.

Empowerment to Seek Support and Self-Care

By acknowledging the enduring nature of grief and the potential for life to grow around it, Tonkin's Model empowers clients to seek support and engage in self-care actively. Understanding that their grief is a long-term companion, clients are more likely to invest in therapeutic relationships, support groups, and self-care practices that sustain them over time.

Practical Applications for Therapists

I have found that the Tonkin's Model can be incorporated into counselling practice in several ways:

• Visual Tools: Visual representations of the model can help clients grasp the concept more concretely. Drawing or using diagrams can illustrate how their lives can expand around their grief.
• Narrative Therapy: Encouraging clients to tell their stories within the framework of Tonkin's Model can help them see their own growth and resilience over time.
• Mindfulness and Acceptance: Practices that promote mindfulness and acceptance can reinforce the model's validation of ongoing grief and the expansion of life around it.
• Goal Setting: Working with clients to set goals that foster growth in their "outer circle" can provide a sense of direction and purpose.

Tonkin's Model of Grief by Lois Tonkin offers a compassionate and realistic framework for understanding and adjusting to grief. By validating the ongoing nature of grief and highlighting the potential for life to grow and expand around it, this model provides comfort and hope to those navigating the complexities of loss. For therapists and clients alike, embracing Tonkin's Model can lead to a deeper, more compassionate approach to the grieving process, paving the way for healing and resilience.

Whether navigating your grief or supporting someone in grief, I hope you have found this valuable and comforting. If you need further support, please get in touch.